Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
