My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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