But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
