i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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