I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
