Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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