if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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