i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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