Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
