I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
God, I missed his penis.
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