That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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