You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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