I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
