i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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