just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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