I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
