ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
