God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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