i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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