So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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