dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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