it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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