Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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