I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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