you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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