My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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