You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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