i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize