Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
