How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
