i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
