sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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