The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize