if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
