I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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