dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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