In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
