they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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