if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
