Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
