is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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