I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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