ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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