like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
