Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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