he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
