i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
