worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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