Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
