My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
