I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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