apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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