you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
