so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
