Can i not drive my cunt home
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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