Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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