is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
