i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
as a side note pls kill me
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