The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
