there's paper in my vomit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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