I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
