is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
