I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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