my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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