So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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