JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
