Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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