fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
