apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
