I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
