don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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