i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
