U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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